Outer-referencing types focus on the people and environment around them – the needs, feelings and desires of other people and adapting themselves to ensure those are met. Self-referencing types focus on themselves – their needs, feelings, and priorities and construct their life around ensuring those are recognized. There are three options: self-referencing, other-referencing or both. For an overview of the series, start with our introductory post.Īnother simple, yet important, aspect of the Enneagram is to understand what each type naturally pays attention to, and then how that type shapes the world around it to support that focus. It’s probably more constructive to just recognise that we have a tendency to place too much focus on our inner worlds to our own detriment and that of others, and think of ways to fix that.This blog post is part of our Fundamentals of the Enneagram series, which takes a deeper dive into all the Enneagram elements - wings, arrows, subtypes, centers of intelligence, growth pathways and more. So even if you’re a four, there’s no need to label yourself as self-absorbed or selfish. The purpose of the enneagram is to help us recognise where we fall short and help us to overcome these destructive patterns of thoughts and behaviour. Remember that the enneagram is not supposed to point fingers and say “this type is selfish and this type isn’t”. I definitely struggled to accept that because I always thought because of my high levels of empathy that I was a very caring person, and I still think I am, but I just need to put in more effort than type 2s to focus my attention on others and put their needs before my own. I get it’s hard though to accept as a four that we can be quite self-absorbed. However, we’re often so focused on our own inner world and how things affect us to care that much about what others are feeling. True that type fours have high levels of empathy meaning that we often find it easy to imagine how others are feeling. They have developed a self-image which heightens their uniqueness, even to the point of alienation, while suppressing the aspects of their personality which seem to them “ordinary” or “regular” Fours, however, derive a stronger sense of self by seeing how different they are from other people. The self-image of Twos is bolstered by a sense of closeness and connection with others. Also, while Twos need to suppress many of their negative feelings to maintain their self-image, Fours suppress many of their positive feelings to keep their self-image as a “victim” intact. A lot of what you ascribe to type 4 actually fits 2s better.ĭon Riso was a 4 and wrote Personality Types, which is the most well-respected book on the types and he said this:įours are almost the opposite of Twos in that they look primarily inward, rather than to other people, to maintain their sense of self. 4s want to feel that we have a place in the world where we don't feel at a disadvantage. 2s want to be seen as kind, giving, altruistic even. Type 2 is other-focused and sure, some of them are shallow, but many of them are in fact as empathetic as they proclaim to be. We focus on our own feelings and our own inner world, it is why we are a withdrawn type. No, type 4 isn't selfish, but self-absorbed. Modify Title :Not all types 4 are self types. They want to be recognized as "the value that only I am a special person who can sympathize with your feelings" by empathizing with certain other people's feelings that they do not sympathize with everyone. They also want to be recognized for their value by others because they are heart types. Type 4 is a type that keeps a distance from people, but the reason is to focus on the emotions of people or objects. Not only humans, but also plants and objects that aren't people like withered flowers, broken clocks, broken mirrors, they treat them like humans and feel emotions. They think that they are special people who can understand the feelings of others who have not been sympathized with anyone when they feel and feel completely sympathetic to others. Type 2 feels the sadness of others shallowly and tries to turn the sadness of others into joy right away, but Type 4 feels the sadness of others deeper and is immersed in the feelings of others. They try to feel the pain or sadness of others until they fully sympathize with them. They easily sympathize with what kind of pain a person feels and gets angry, even with the person who is angry with them. Type 4 is easy to sympathize with and understand the sadness, pain, and depression of others. Type 4 is better at empathizing with other people's feelings than type 2.
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